Friday, August 25, 2006

HEY YOU!

movin' the party to www.imaginaryblogger.com

maybe i'll actually write more often. (maybe.)

Friday, August 11, 2006

I wonder what she'd get for anal ...

If my mother had offered me a summer job like this, I'd have been much more willing to put in overtime.

Come on, ya'll ... body piercings and clothes! Who wouldn't blow their mom's boyfriend?

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Two words: Open Bar

I'm in a wedding on Saturday -- my first stint as a bridesmaid (shout-out to my pink, poofy, I'm-definitely-going-to-face-plant-down-the-aisle bridesmaid dress!). The wedding is in PA, which means it's going to be a weekend affair. And let me tell ya … it's going to be a doozy of a weekend.

I'm not going to spoil a perfectly delicious post-wedding blog entry by outlining the potential (read: inevitable) pitfalls ahead of time, but I will say this: Bitches better get ready to see my ugly face. Think a rabid, crying Claire Danes. Then picture that mess in a pink taffeta and an updo.

I get so bajiggity when I or someone close to me reaches these milestone events, and since the bride happens to be my oldest friend (we were infants when we first "met"), I'm going to be an emotional, busted wreck.

Without a date.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Things are happening. They're not as big and glamorous as I had anticipated (or, more appropriately, had hoped against hope for), but they're happening nonetheless.

1) I got a new (full-time, non-temp) job. So what if I'm compromising a bit in terms of salary and location? Could be worse, right? It's a good job doing something I'll enjoy and it provides a lot in terms of growth/business opportunities. Plus, after paying $400/month for COBRA, it will be nice to have "reasonably priced" health insurance again.

2) With this new job, it’s possible* that I’ll be able to move back out of my parents’ house and into my own place (the angels in heaven lift their voices in glorious refrain).

*Possible in that it depends on my ability to budget with the less than stellar paychecks I’ll be receiving bimonthly. Considering that northern Jersey doesn’t exactly provide much bang for your buck in terms of real estate, AND considering that mama need a new car like Tom Cruise needs a lobotomy, things ain’t lookin’ so good. We shall see.

3) No new love on the horizon, but I feel confident that my break-up was for the best. I adored Brian, but I don’t think we were ever really in love. I can’t speak for him, of course, but I think I was more in love with the idea of our relationship than anything else. Maybe. I’m probably wrong and that excuse is just my defense mechanism for dealing. (Can I rely on more relationship clichés?) Eh. Regardless, the break-up was enlightening and allowed for a lot of productive introspection. (There we go.) I don’t think it changed me in any significant way, except that I now know that I’m a frigid bitch. Perfection.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Visions

Have you ever had the feeling that something great -- or a couple of something greats -- is just around the corner?

For the past few weeks I've had the overwhelming feeling that something amazing is coming my way. My intuition isn't giving me specifics and so I have no idea if this "something" is going to be in the form of a new job, a new man, lottery winnings, an instant loss of 15 pounds, or a combination of some/all all of the above.

But it's coming … I swear to Christ it's coming.

Friday, June 30, 2006

loves it

Last night I met two astrophysicists.

What's cool about this is not just that these two men were insanely brilliant (yum) or that they shared a killer sense of humor (yum yum) or that one of them was young and single and pretty damn attractive for a scientist (yum cubed). It's also cool because of the 6 billion people on Earth, only 6000 are astrophysicists.

Statistically speaking, that means I have met two people who can claim that they are -- quite literally -- one in a million.

That, Paris Hilton, is what I call hot.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Family Ties

Although everything else in my life is a confused mess right now, I realized this weekend that there is one thing of which I am absolutely certain: I need to live by the ocean.

Of course, since I'm fairly broke, this isn't a need that will be fulfilled any time soon. Before I can focus on getting myself a place by the beach, I should take baby steps toward getting my own place period. So yep, this boomerang Jersey girl is likely to remain in a land-locked town for a loooong time.

HOWEVER, the dream is not completely lost. I'm one of those fortunate po' folks who has *rich parents* -- they weren't always loaded (funny how I feel the need to explain, as if being born rich is inherently evil while earning one's wealth admirable and noble … eh), but they're pretty well-off these days and although I'm not totally comfortable with it, I try to milk their situation for all it's worth.

Case in point? Mommy and Daddy have a new beach house, which means Mommy and Daddy have a permanent beach-house guest.

I can't load the picture at the moment -- I'll try again later -- but for now, here's what you need to know:

Manasquan, NJ
Brand new
One very short block from the beach
One very short block from the inlet
Only houses away from debaucherous college boys with beer pong tables up the ass

Happy summer to me.